Skip to main content

Day 24 (after a long break)

a letter to your parents

I have had a bit of a break from the blogging. We have had lots going on in our lives with the purchase of a new business, a trip over east for training, the holiday season fast approaching and general day to day life with three kids. I would like to say the break in my blogging was totally due to being busy but that would be a lie. Every time I think about writing my blog I remember that day 24's post is a letter to my parents and I put it off. I have complicated relationships with my parents, and sharing my thoughts and feelings about those relationships with the whole world, including family members seems daunting. I have, however, decided to finally bite the bullet and complete day 24's post so I can move on with the challenge. So here goes nothing...

Dear Mum & Dad 


Firstly I want you both to know that I love you very much and I hope that nothing I say in this letter upsets you or makes you feel that you have failed as a parent. I have very different relationships with each of you and I value those relationships greatly. 

Mum, you have raised my practically on your own and have always tried to make the decisions that best served my needs. You have put your needs after mine for as long as I can remember and even when we fight please know you are the person that I look up to and trust more than anyone in the world. I'm sorry for the times we fight, but when two people have spent as much time together as you and I, it is bound to happen sometimes. I thank you so much for all the sacrifices you made and how hard you worked to make yourself a better person, woman, parent and friend. Thank you for all the support you have given to me as I have grown into the role of mother and wife. I know it was not what you dreamed for me when I was growing up, but thank you for supporting every decision I make. I know you think you have made mistakes in the choices you have made for me or allowed me to make for myself but please know that I value every experience I have had in my life, good and bad, and know that I would not be the person I am today without those experiences. I also know that you made the best decision you could make at the time and want you to know that I don't blame you for any of the bad things, so you shouldn't either. You are a role model, a friend and the best mum a girl could ask for. I love you.


Dad, where to start. Ours is a funny relationship, one that I fear has never had the chance to become all that it could be. I wish that we had spent more time together and you had gotten the chance to know me more as a person rather than just as your daughter. I know there is still the opportunity for this to happen in the future but I worry that we have left it too late. There is still a part of me that is the little girl seeking her daddy's approval and I sometimes think I probably try to hard around you. I do appreciate that you gave me the freedom to make my own decisions when other father's may not and that you allowed me to spend time with my sister at my mum's house as well as yours. There are lots of things I could bring up about what I wish could have been different, but the past is the past and there is no changing it. I hope you know that I love you and I always will.


Thank you for the roles you have both played in my life, I think I've turned out ok despite being a little bit broken! :)


I love you both


Tiffany

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

Popular posts from this blog

How to do all the things

I am so tired of people telling other people how to do any and all of the things. What words you can say if you're over 30, what music to like, what movies are ok to admit you enjoy, how you should be using your phone, facebook, instagram, twitter, toothbrush, kitchen sink, how you should live your life, spend more time being in the moment, not be on antisocial social media, what you should and shouldn't feel good or bad about, how people should or shouldn't be parents, women, men, feminists, activist, human beings. It just goes on and on. Here's an idea. If you don't like the way I do things or the words I say you have two choices. If you genuinely like me then you can choose to put up with the things about me that don't mesh 100% with the way you live your life (as I do with many of the people I love when it's not a deal breaker like racism or violence) or you can remove me from your facebook, twitter, instagram, life. That's it. Those are your two o...
Post a Comment
Read more

Week One... Or Should I Say Week Two Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Nine...

 That's how many weeks I have been alive (give or take a couple of days). Two thousand one hundred and seventy-nine. Yet here I am still fighting the same fights I have always fought. Self-image, self-acceptance, unrelenting standards, imposter syndrome.  Once again I find myself in a body that feels uncomfortable and unhealthy. It crept up on me slowly and suddenly all at the same time. I still barely eat any refined sugar. I turn down the lollies and cakes and doughnuts at work. It's not even a struggle, I no longer enjoy the way sugar makes my body feel. But my old nemesis, potato chips, remains undefeated. I eat potato chips to fill the emptiness in my soul. To feel as miserable physically as I do mentally or emotionally. To get comfort from an association with my childhood. It is the struggle I can't overcome. The war I can't win. So after months of trying on my own to no avail, months of the scales not budging, I have signed up for a healthy eating plan. I'm n...
2 comments
Read more

Waiting

I am sitting in the hospital waiting. I suppose I am waiting for the hand of death to touch my cousin and end the pain she is in. She is getting worse and she keeps suffocating. She told her sister yesterday that her worst fear was dying and not being able to breathe, I can only imagine how horrifying it must be for her. Everyone seems to be getting ready for the end. There is lots of spontaneous declarations of how much this sucks. We have just heard that she has said she doesn't want to do it any more. It can't be long now. What a thing to be waiting for. I feel so small and helpless and inadequate. I wish there's was something I could do. There is a group standing in the hallway. Like they are lining up for some kind of attraction at the fair. I wish they would all sit down. There are periods of idle chatter and then suddenly everyone feels quietly like the weight is too much to bear. It is one of the most horrible experiences I have ever had. As the sun is going down th...
2 comments
Read more