a warped view

Working with my psych has made me realise that one of the biggest mistakes I make is invalidating my own feelings by explaining away other people's bad behaviour. I've spent the majority of my life rationalising, its something that I think I learned from my mother. It's something that used to make me angry at my mother. She is a big believer in seeing both sides of the story, and consequently so am I. Seeing both sides of the story is not the issue though, I still think that's a great ability to have. The problem comes when you are so good at seeing the other persons side of the story that the feelings they caused with their actions become secondary, or get lost completely.  I realised today that I now do it to my daughter and I want to stop. When she comes to me to tell me about something that has happened with her friends she doesn't want me to be objective, she wants me to soothe her hurt feelings. She doesn't need help seeing why the other person did what th...

There's some pretty special things about me. I have depression, anxiety and ADHD. This gives me some pretty special super powers. It gives me the ability to speak without thinking, to over share when I shouldn't, to get carried away with things rather than staying level headed and in control. It makes me think things are a good idea when they aren't. It gives me an extra special ability to piss people off. It allows me to feel especially shit when I fuck up and leaves me feeling like I want to crawl into a dark hole and stay there. Can you tell I'm having a special kind of day?

Growing up in Darwin we always had very laid back routines. In my early years my mum, dad, nanna and grandad worked in a family business and so there were long days spent at work with dinner time often being after 7 or 8pm. This kind of laid back attitude to dinner time continued through my childhood and into my teenage years. This meant that I would regularly get to bed quite a lot later than other kids. It was a shock to us when we moved to Perth in my 16th year and discovered that the weirdo southerners would sometimes eat dinner at 5:30 or 6. Ridiculous! I don't know if it's because of this laid back start to life but I have never really had a time that was my bedtime, even as an adult. I have a time that I know should probably be my bedtime but it comes and goes with little notice most nights. I'm also what is generally classified as a night owl, the later at night, the more productive I feel. I can often be found on my computer until 2 or 3am. Sometimes this is b...

Do you remember this poem from when you were young? Mondays child is fair of face, Tuesdays child is full of grace, Wednesdays child is full of woe, Thursdays child has far to go, Fridays child is loving and giving, Saturdays child works hard for his living, And the child that is born on the Sabbath day Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay. This poem has always pissed me off a little because you see, I was born on a Wednesday. As a youngster I was adamant that this poem was quite frankly full of shit. I was a perfectly happy child, my face was fairish, I had a small amount of grace, I was both loving AND giving. Why did all those other days get awesome things and I was stuck with woe? *kicks dirt with toe* But now I'm older I see that this was really just some sort of scary prediction about my depression. I mean what else could it be?! (What do you mean there's no meaning at all and someone just made it up a really long time ago when people still said g...

So apparently I am one of a very small percentage of ADHD adults who experiences a worsening of depression symptoms when taking Dexamphetamines.  To start with I didn't notice, but as I continued to take my daily doses my depression symptoms have gotten worse and worse. The situation reached critical mass on Sunday night. My thoughts and behaviour got beyond my control and I had a complete meltdown. The rest of the week has been nothing short of difficult. There has been tears at the drop of the hat, an inability to regulate my emotions (more than usual), and a highly emotional state in general. The smallest things have sent me spiralling out of control. The hsp says its the worst he has ever seen me. It has left me feeling afraid and ashamed. My logical brain knows that there is no reason to feel this way but my logical brain is not exactly the loudest at the moment.  Luckily I had an appointment with my ADHD doctor today and I informed him what was going on. ...

Dear Norms, I'm writing you this letter because there's a few things we need to get straight. For a start, you might be wondering who these Norms are and if you're one of them. Norms are people who haven't had an atypical brain function diagnosis (i.e. depression, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar, PTSD, cognitive issues, etc etc). They're a bit like muggles, if people with mental health issues were wizards. I've addressed this letter to all of you because you might be guilty of some of the things I'm going to talk about without even realising it. So here's a list of things you need to know/understand 1. Just because my illness(es) don't produce physical symptoms you can see (like bruises, broken bones, hair falling out etc) that doesn't mean my illness isn't real. I can one hundred percent guarantee you that while it is classified as a mental illness there are physical symptoms that I deal with every day and this is on top of the emotional and psyc...

short term goals for this month and why the 2010 day eight can be found here I'm not particularly good at setting goals. I struggle with that whole SMART concept; Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timely... sounds like hard work to me! I tend to be more of a dreamer and schemer than a goal setter (you're stunned I know). I suppose though that I do have a few short term goals, not that I would really call them that. So here is my list SHIT I NEED TO DO (aka Goals) Make sure I take my anti depressants and my dexamphetamines EVERY day Blog Attempt to read a book now that I have the new concentration drugs Try to get to bed at a reasonable time, at least most nights of the week See, talk to, and hug my friends more Tell (and show) my family every day that I love them I'm not sure about the Specific, Measurable and Timely parts, but I'm pretty sure I've got attainable and Relevant covered :)

since i started considering the possibility that i may have adhd, and since receiving my diagnosis, i have been doing lots of reading about it. the diagnostic criteria is seen by some as a bit nonspecific and there is no blood test you can do to confirm for sure. in fact some people are still convinced that it's not even a thing. there are three different types of adhd; there is predominantly inattentive type, predominantly hyperactive/impulsive type and there is a combination of the two. the diagnostic criteria tend to come off as quite negative (things that are wrong with you) including things like,  does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes,  has trouble keeping attention on tasks,  has trouble organizing activities,  avoids, dislikes, or doesn't want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time,  loses things needed for tasks and activities, i s easily distracted, i s forgetful in daily activities, ta...

My first day on dexamphetamines! And yes I realise that $50 x 200 pills is $10,000 not $1000 but I have ADHD and my brain got distracted! I've also been informed that they don't sell for quite that much (thanks Glenn) :)

a recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself I'm revisting the 30 Day Challenge . My 2010 Day One post can be found here  (I haven't looked at what I wrote, so I wonder if any of my facts will be the same?!) Here's a pic of me with bluey purple hair and no makeup taken right now!  interesting facts: 1. I have always wanted to have brightly coloured far out hair but was too afraid to do it until this year  2. In high school I was so worried about being teased by my bullies that I was afraid to change my hair or get a haircut in case I got the "wrong" one and they teased me more 3. I spent years trying to convince my mum to let me have a fringe. I finally got one a few years ago and now hate my face without a fringe. 4. I am obsessed with bird, owl and tree motifs (not necessarily all three together) 5. I've just been diagnosed with ADHD and I couldn't be happier 6. my favourite TV show right now is The New Girl w...

So I have spoken about my suspicions that I have ADHD both here and on twitter. I went and had my first appointment with the special ADHD doctor two weeks ago and because I was unable to find my school reports I had to go back for a second appointment with a letter from one of my parents talking about how they noticed ADHD symptoms in me when I was younger. Apparently the Health Department are quite strict about who they let doctors prescribe ADHD medication to (surprise surprise) and it is their requirement for there to be some evidence of childhood symptoms. My first port of call was my mum, surely she would be able to write a letter containing a list of things I had done as a child? This proved to be slightly more difficult as she expressed to me her belief that I didn't have problems concentrating at school. When I pointed out to her that every single one of my school reports contained something along the lines of "Tiffany talks too much", her reply was simply th...