The lounge is full now. Full of sisters, mothers, nieces, nephews, friends. In the room with the beeping and my beautiful cousin is her husband and her two sons. This is their time to be alone with her. To say their final goodbyes. She still has the fighting spirit, the refusal to give in. Everyone just wants her pain and suffering to be over but no one wants her to be gone. I am surrounded by teary faces and bodies clinging to each other. We have returned to making idle conversation, discussing every thing but death and loss. We all fall silent again. My mum has arrived and she is making conversation with Carol's mum, hoping to distract her from the pain that threatens to overwhelm her. It should be me she says and my heart breaks. A mother should never have to watch her child die, never have to bury her own child. All I want to do is hug each of them so tight and never let them go but instead I sit here writing. We are talking about where the socks go now, managing to find a small amount of laughter amongst the tears. I hope she finds the courage to let go soon so the grieving can begin.
I am so tired of people telling other people how to do any and all of the things. What words you can say if you're over 30, what music to like, what movies are ok to admit you enjoy, how you should be using your phone, facebook, instagram, twitter, toothbrush, kitchen sink, how you should live your life, spend more time being in the moment, not be on antisocial social media, what you should and shouldn't feel good or bad about, how people should or shouldn't be parents, women, men, feminists, activist, human beings. It just goes on and on. Here's an idea. If you don't like the way I do things or the words I say you have two choices. If you genuinely like me then you can choose to put up with the things about me that don't mesh 100% with the way you live your life (as I do with many of the people I love when it's not a deal breaker like racism or violence) or you can remove me from your facebook, twitter, instagram, life. That's it. Those are your two o...
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