Thursday, 17 March 2011

More waiting and some crying

The lounge is full now. Full of sisters, mothers, nieces, nephews, friends. In the room with the beeping and my beautiful cousin is her husband and her two sons. This is their time to be alone with her. To say their final goodbyes. She still has the fighting spirit, the refusal to give in. Everyone just wants her pain and suffering to be over but no one wants her to be gone. I am surrounded by teary faces and bodies clinging to each other. We have returned to making idle conversation, discussing every thing but death and loss. We all fall silent again. My mum has arrived and she is making conversation with Carol's mum, hoping to distract her from the pain that threatens to overwhelm her. It should be me she says and my heart breaks. A mother should never have to watch her child die, never have to bury her own child. All I want to do is hug each of them so tight and never let them go but instead I sit here writing. We are talking about where the socks go now, managing to find a small amount of laughter amongst the tears. I hope she finds the courage to let go soon so the grieving can begin.

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