this song by gotye (good thing this is typed or i'd still be stumbling over the pronunciation... goat-ee-ay... gotcha...goat-yee...) is one of my favourites at the moment and is on constant rotation at my house and in my car. the song is about two ex lovers but has gotten me thinking about all those people that were once an intrinsic part of my life, helped me to define who i was and my place in the world and are now just some people that i used to know.
we all have them. those people that we thought we would be friends with forever, that we talked to every day, hung out with all the time, people who knew all our in jokes because they helped create them, knew all the stories of our past. then suddenly you wake up one day and realise its been a month since you saw them, then its six months, then you can't remember the last time you saw them. you think about calling them but it feels awkward, then you tell yourself that they could call you if they wanted to. time passes and the silence between you grows larger. how do you close that gap again? do you even want to?
sometimes we make the conscious decision to remove people from our lives. there are people who i have had to make the decision not to see any more because every time i see them i end up emotionally exhausted, that's not healthy for anyone. but sometimes there are people that we just drift apart from. maybe we didn't have as much in common as i thought we did, maybe we used to but we don't any more. sometimes life gets in the way and i don't see people because time gets away from me, i WANT to see them but for one reason or another it doesn't happen.
i'm not very good at letting things go (i can hear you all gasping sarcastically!) when someone has been a part of my life i find it hard to let go of them. i often find myself thinking about the friend i had in primary school that now lives in another country, my first boyfriend, the friend from primary school that now has three kids but i feel uncomfortable being around, like i'm not good enough, the girl i was friends with in high school that won't accept my friend request on facebook, the first boy i kissed, the woman i worked with that i thought i was friends with but it turned out i wasn't. i think about all these people. i wonder what they're doing. i wonder if they stopped being friends with me because i was the toxic friend or if life just got in the way or if they had some other reason.
i don't have a lot of close friends. i often wonder if this is because i drive people away, i think i am probably hard work to be friends with (and i have no idea how the hsp puts up with me) and people just can't sustain the effort required. there are a lot of people in my life that are now somebody that i used to know, i think about you all and hope that life is treating you well and i thank each and everyone of you for being part of my life no matter how briefly.
we all have them. those people that we thought we would be friends with forever, that we talked to every day, hung out with all the time, people who knew all our in jokes because they helped create them, knew all the stories of our past. then suddenly you wake up one day and realise its been a month since you saw them, then its six months, then you can't remember the last time you saw them. you think about calling them but it feels awkward, then you tell yourself that they could call you if they wanted to. time passes and the silence between you grows larger. how do you close that gap again? do you even want to?
sometimes we make the conscious decision to remove people from our lives. there are people who i have had to make the decision not to see any more because every time i see them i end up emotionally exhausted, that's not healthy for anyone. but sometimes there are people that we just drift apart from. maybe we didn't have as much in common as i thought we did, maybe we used to but we don't any more. sometimes life gets in the way and i don't see people because time gets away from me, i WANT to see them but for one reason or another it doesn't happen.
i'm not very good at letting things go (i can hear you all gasping sarcastically!) when someone has been a part of my life i find it hard to let go of them. i often find myself thinking about the friend i had in primary school that now lives in another country, my first boyfriend, the friend from primary school that now has three kids but i feel uncomfortable being around, like i'm not good enough, the girl i was friends with in high school that won't accept my friend request on facebook, the first boy i kissed, the woman i worked with that i thought i was friends with but it turned out i wasn't. i think about all these people. i wonder what they're doing. i wonder if they stopped being friends with me because i was the toxic friend or if life just got in the way or if they had some other reason.
i don't have a lot of close friends. i often wonder if this is because i drive people away, i think i am probably hard work to be friends with (and i have no idea how the hsp puts up with me) and people just can't sustain the effort required. there are a lot of people in my life that are now somebody that i used to know, i think about you all and hope that life is treating you well and i thank each and everyone of you for being part of my life no matter how briefly.
Play on playa.
ReplyDeleteTHis may sound suspiciously like destiny and all those kinda things but I am a big believer people are in our lives for a reason. Both of you get something out of the relationship at that point in your lives. When that stops happening,when it becomes a one way street, then the friendship tends to die. This is not necessarily a bad thing (sometimes it is good because as you say it became toxic) it just is. If your lucky down the track you can reignite the friendship or an old friendship evolves into something else.
ReplyDeleteLike you for ages I used to think about these things but now I just accept it as being a wonderful thing while they were in your life.
A good post though!
Thanks Caspette! I'm also a big believer that everything (including relationships) happen for a reason. I still think about those people though, guess its just another aspect of my hoarder personality! :)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you - sometimes people come in and out of our lives for a reason and we just need to accept that not everyone is in our lives to stay. For me it is hard because I don't make friends easily but I have accepted how it is. My husband is my best friend and that is enough for me.
ReplyDeleteHave a great Sunday !
Hi again Me! (still sounds weird! LOL!)
ReplyDeleteWe sound very similar, I struggle to form new friendships as well. But the friends I do have I love and adore! I'm lucky enough to have an awesome husband shaped person too!
Would the real anonymous please stand up?
ReplyDeleteThis post would have been more interesting if you'd have named names, but i'm not one to speak!
Anyway it sounds like you ought to realise everyone thinks about what you're doing some times too.
And listen to some better love songs like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSmDcaVSmzQ
I would never dream of naming names! The memories are mine and are as precious to me as each person was :)
ReplyDelete