tweet tweet

Last year when I quit my job amongst some unpleasantness I became reclusive and (even more) depressed. I had feelings of hurt and betrayal and loneliness, I felt lost. I began to spend more time on twitter, something I'd never really paid much attention to in the past, despite having signed up over 12 months earlier.

To start with I didn't get it. I followed celebrities and read their tweets about things I had no interest in, I didn't see the point. Then after talking with a friend I discovered a world of tweeters who were normal everyday people, who lived in the same city as me, they were interesting and funny and I wanted to be part of it. 

I realised straight away that the key to gaining these people as followers (cause that's what it's all about right?!) was to actually be interested in them and what they had to say. To be genuine, to engage, to care. It was easy to be interested, they all had so much to offer. I started talking to people in other parts of Australia too and pretty quickly I started to meet the Perth tweeps in person. 

I am the first to admit that Twitter began to consume me. I spent every waking moment checking, updating, talking, arguing, all on twitter. I had to reply to every mention, to do otherwise was rude in my book (I still attempt to do this, I still think it's rude to ignore someone). Despite this obsession and the annoyance it caused the HSP, I am so very grateful that I found twitter during that difficult time in my life. Twitter got me through that patch of darkness. introduced me to some of my favourite people and gave me some of the best friends I have ever had.

Then suddenly a couple of months ago I stopped. I went days without tweeting or checking my mentions. Some shitty stuff happened in real life that influenced it slightly but the major change was my experience of twitter and how it made me feel. When I first started using twitter I was like an enthusiastic puppy, I put in tremendous amounts of energy and time to form, build and strengthen relationships. Then I got tired. I didn't have as much energy to give and twitter started to make me sad.

As well as showing me how truly ugly and moronic some people can be, it showed me all the things I was missing out on. All the social outings I wasn't invited to, all the groups I didn't belong to. As a victim of high school bullying I still have that subconscious need to belong, I tell myself not to care what other people think and for the most part I don't, but that small, young, desperate girl sometimes sneaks into my head space. Suddenly twitter was full of people who were talking to everyone else but me. I felt lonely again. I stopped looking. I stopped socialising. I stopped leaving my house unless it was absolutely necessary. 

I know that somehow I have to find a happy medium. There are people on twitter I would be so sad to lose from my life. Those tweeps who have become my friends will always be a part of my life, we communicate in other ways too, but there are so many tweeps who, while I don't socialise with them, or talk to them on the phone, they make me happy. Just knowing that they are there, reading their thoughts, what is happening in their lives it makes me happy. 

So somehow I must find a way to not let the sadness creep in, to use twitter in a way that makes me happy and doesn't depress me. To get from it what I need and to be able to give to others without feeling tired and drained. Oh and to not be on so much that the HSP gets annoyed! 

Thank you to all the tweeps that have been a part of my life in the last year and a bit. You have helped me in so many ways, both small and big. Thank you for touching my life and making me smile.