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Unsent Letters: Little

Dear Little,

There are so many things I want to say to you but it never feels quite right. There is still an awkwardness about our relationship, it shouldn't be there but it is. It stops me from telling you that I wish we were closer. I wish we had the closeness of two who had grown up together in a "normal" house. I wish we talked everyday on the phone, desperate to share the details of every day life. I wish we were closer geographically too. I wish I could drive to you and throw my arms around you and hug you just because, but you are too far away for that.

I try not to let the resentment I feel towards him effect how I feel about you. I know it's not your fault, it's not really even his fault, it's just life. Sometimes though it still makes my heart ache to see how different it is for you. Sometimes I feel angry at you, and then I feel angry at myself. Sometimes, well a lot of the time, I am so envious.

You have something I feel I will never have, you've been given so much more than me, material things, emotional things. I try not to be resentful. I try and remember that without you I would be alone. No one to share memories with, no one to laugh with about silly things we've done.

My fondest memories of childhood contain your laughter, your love, your joy. I am so grateful for you even if I don't tell you enough. Even if I let other things get in the way sometimes. I love you more than words could ever say.

Lots of love, Big xx
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Comments

  1. Anonymous12 December 2011 at 17:08

    Dots and stripes, or bigs and smalls.
    Never heard of littles!

    ReplyDelete

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