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There's so much wrong with you

So last month I wrote the post "There's nothing wrong with you" about being told by well meaning people that I couldn't possibly have depression. That is one side of the depression coin, the people who don't believe you have it because you manage to smile sometimes. The other, much darker side of the coin, is the people who try to use your depression against you as a weapon.

I have one of those people in my life. They may be in the peripherals of my life, but sadly they have enough impact for their archaic, biggoted and uneducated views to affect me. In fact this person even tried to use this very blog against me. Using my own words, my own outpouring of truth and emotions, my own confessions of difficulty as a way to hurt me. They tried to turn my truth, my confessions, my words into a sword and to cut me down with it.

Taking advantage of my own moments of weakness, my own doubts, my own irrational fear of not being good enough, they attempted to kick me when I was down. They hoped, I believe, that they would pull the rug out from underneath me, that the weakness I have so readily shared would result in me falling into a crumbled mess of depression, unable to fight for myself. That rather than stand and fight I would run away, allowing them to have their own way.

Oh how they underestimated me. I will not turn and run. I will not ever hide. I've done that in the past, when I was young, unsure of myself, I will do it no more. There are too many broken, fractured people out there, too many people floating alone in the darkness. I speak out about my darkness for them as much as I do it for me. Depression is an illness, not a crime. The illness provides enough punishment without heaping aditional punishment onto the shoulders of those who suffer.

To anyone who ever tries to turn my depression into a weapon I say the following; My illness is a part of me but it does not define me. It may give me moments of weakness but I am not weak. I will now cower under threat from you. You may have broken me before but I'm stronger now and you will not break me again. Don't try and talk about depression when you have no understanding of it. Educate yourself and pull your head out of your arse. Oh and have a nice day (and by have a nice day I mean Fuck You!)
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