Project Babysteps

So a lot has been happening in my world. I've started taking my anti-depressants again and I've started seeing a psych. Things (like getting out if bed and forming coherent sentences) were getting hard and there was no chance of me accomplishing anything harder (like laundry, remembering to eat or what my name was). There is no shame in getting help, I'm just super stubborn and even avoid taking panadol or using band aids whenever possible. 

I also decided that I needed to make a concerted effort to start reading again. So I started reading a book I received as a present from one of the loveliest people I know. It's called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and I love it. It's all about Gretchen's quest to become happier and what she did to achieve it. She wasn't particularly unhappy to start with, she just felt she could be happier, more engaged in her own life and kinder to herself and the people she loved. She didn't want her life to just whiz by without her being truly present in it. 

A lot of us tell ourselves that we'll be happy when. This can be when we own our own house, get a better job, have kids, publish a book, learn to dance etc etc. We think that we have to wait for some particular event and then suddenly, we are happy. Of course that is never true. Sure all those things are great and they will give out happiness a boost most of the time but they come with consequences like mortgages, more responsibility, no sleep and endless nappy changes, the need to work harder and all kinds of boring grown up stuff. It also doesn't mean that we won't ever feel sad or angry or disappointed or melancholy ever again. The truth is that we can all feel happier every day starting with deciding to be happy. 

"Now Tiffany," you might be saying "you've told us time and time again that you can't just decide not to be depressed!". You're right, I have told you that, and its still true. However happiness is not the opposite of depression. You can actually have depression and happiness at the same time, well that's been my experience anyway. My depression isn't caused by being unhappy with my life, its caused by chemicals and hormones and past trauma. In fact, I've decided that choosing to be happier, or deal with things in a happier way, will help me get my depression under control. 

So once I've finished reading the book I am planning on starting my own happiness project. I've still got a fair bit of reading and then I've got some planning and questioning and learning about myself and  about what makes me happy. So in the meantime I am implementing Project Babysteps to help me be a more functional human being. So far my goals are

Get out of bed before 7am

Make the bed

Eat breakfast

Do some sort of physical activity

Spend time outside

Write something

Read one chapter of any book

Spend 15 minutes studying French

Take my tablet

Go to bed before 10pm

It may seem like a lot to tackle but the first three get my day off to a good start and set me up for success, the next two mean I'm not moping inside on the couch all day, the next three allow me to de-stress and spend some time on me (I can also use them as a coping mechanism if I feel anxious), and the last two set me up for a good day the next day. It's not a lot when I break it down that way. I'm also trying to achieve things like laundry, cooking dinner, tidying up etc etc but they're not on my goal list yet, just my pat-yourself-on-the-back-gold-star-for-you-yay list. 

So that's where I'm at. More to come soon about my happiness project hopefully.