Skip to main content

Project Babysteps

So a lot has been happening in my world. I've started taking my anti-depressants again and I've started seeing a psych. Things (like getting out if bed and forming coherent sentences) were getting hard and there was no chance of me accomplishing anything harder (like laundry, remembering to eat or what my name was). There is no shame in getting help, I'm just super stubborn and even avoid taking panadol or using band aids whenever possible. 

I also decided that I needed to make a concerted effort to start reading again. So I started reading a book I received as a present from one of the loveliest people I know. It's called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and I love it. It's all about Gretchen's quest to become happier and what she did to achieve it. She wasn't particularly unhappy to start with, she just felt she could be happier, more engaged in her own life and kinder to herself and the people she loved. She didn't want her life to just whiz by without her being truly present in it. 

A lot of us tell ourselves that we'll be happy when. This can be when we own our own house, get a better job, have kids, publish a book, learn to dance etc etc. We think that we have to wait for some particular event and then suddenly, we are happy. Of course that is never true. Sure all those things are great and they will give out happiness a boost most of the time but they come with consequences like mortgages, more responsibility, no sleep and endless nappy changes, the need to work harder and all kinds of boring grown up stuff. It also doesn't mean that we won't ever feel sad or angry or disappointed or melancholy ever again. The truth is that we can all feel happier every day starting with deciding to be happy. 

"Now Tiffany," you might be saying "you've told us time and time again that you can't just decide not to be depressed!". You're right, I have told you that, and its still true. However happiness is not the opposite of depression. You can actually have depression and happiness at the same time, well that's been my experience anyway. My depression isn't caused by being unhappy with my life, its caused by chemicals and hormones and past trauma. In fact, I've decided that choosing to be happier, or deal with things in a happier way, will help me get my depression under control. 

So once I've finished reading the book I am planning on starting my own happiness project. I've still got a fair bit of reading and then I've got some planning and questioning and learning about myself and  about what makes me happy. So in the meantime I am implementing Project Babysteps to help me be a more functional human being. So far my goals are

Get out of bed before 7am
Make the bed
Eat breakfast
Do some sort of physical activity
Spend time outside
Write something
Read one chapter of any book
Spend 15 minutes studying French
Take my tablet
Go to bed before 10pm

It may seem like a lot to tackle but the first three get my day off to a good start and set me up for success, the next two mean I'm not moping inside on the couch all day, the next three allow me to de-stress and spend some time on me (I can also use them as a coping mechanism if I feel anxious), and the last two set me up for a good day the next day. It's not a lot when I break it down that way. I'm also trying to achieve things like laundry, cooking dinner, tidying up etc etc but they're not on my goal list yet, just my pat-yourself-on-the-back-gold-star-for-you-yay list. 

So that's where I'm at. More to come soon about my happiness project hopefully.



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Week One... Or Should I Say Week Two Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Nine...

 That's how many weeks I have been alive (give or take a couple of days). Two thousand one hundred and seventy-nine. Yet here I am still fighting the same fights I have always fought. Self-image, self-acceptance, unrelenting standards, imposter syndrome.  Once again I find myself in a body that feels uncomfortable and unhealthy. It crept up on me slowly and suddenly all at the same time. I still barely eat any refined sugar. I turn down the lollies and cakes and doughnuts at work. It's not even a struggle, I no longer enjoy the way sugar makes my body feel. But my old nemesis, potato chips, remains undefeated. I eat potato chips to fill the emptiness in my soul. To feel as miserable physically as I do mentally or emotionally. To get comfort from an association with my childhood. It is the struggle I can't overcome. The war I can't win. So after months of trying on my own to no avail, months of the scales not budging, I have signed up for a healthy eating plan. I'm n

Unsent Letter: Dear Broken Little Girl

Dear Broken Little Girl You've got the world fooled. With your masks and your costumes. With the illusion you have created. I'm not fooled anymore, I see who you truly are. I see the little girl terrified of revealing any weakness or cracks. The little girl who uses people for what they can do for her and then casts them aside until she needs them once more. I used to look at you and think you were so much more than me, that I was so much less. Now I realise that you will never be as much as me. Not until you are willing to be wrong, to be imperfect, to be fragile and vulnerable and human. Anybody can do what you do, yet you doubt my ability. You think you are so grown up and in control, but you're not. Everything you stand against, you have been. Everything you fight for, you've never endured. You are an empty shadow trying to fill yourself up at the expense of others. You once told me that I should learn to put myself first and say no. Well I've learnt. I

Oh look, I have a blog still

 Is blogging still a thing that people do just because? Or is only a thing people do to make money? I had totally forgotten that I even had a blog until some random spam email reminded me... I wonder if I should start posting things again? I mean, I'm mostly just talking to myself anyway