I will never toe the line, fall in line or stay in line. I do not follow the crowd, the beaten path, go by the book, with the flow, roll over or play the game. I will make waves, rock the boat, misbehave, challenge, contradict, reject, act up, offend, transgress. I will be out of line, out of order, go astray, get into mischief, make trouble and do it with joy. I am passionate, intense and zealous, never apathetic or indifferent. I will get it wrong and I will make mistakes and I'll admit when I do (usually).This is who I am. I don't hide it. Don't expect me to change it. It's taken me a lifetime to become comfortable enough to be proud of who I am. So don't take advantage of my passion when it suits you and then try to change me when it doesn't. That's a good way to lose my respect. This is me. Deal with it.
That's how many weeks I have been alive (give or take a couple of days). Two thousand one hundred and seventy-nine. Yet here I am still fighting the same fights I have always fought. Self-image, self-acceptance, unrelenting standards, imposter syndrome. Once again I find myself in a body that feels uncomfortable and unhealthy. It crept up on me slowly and suddenly all at the same time. I still barely eat any refined sugar. I turn down the lollies and cakes and doughnuts at work. It's not even a struggle, I no longer enjoy the way sugar makes my body feel. But my old nemesis, potato chips, remains undefeated. I eat potato chips to fill the emptiness in my soul. To feel as miserable physically as I do mentally or emotionally. To get comfort from an association with my childhood. It is the struggle I can't overcome. The war I can't win. So after months of trying on my own to no avail, months of the scales not budging, I have signed up for a healthy eating plan. I'm n
Comments
Post a Comment
Thanks for taking the time to comment!