i am fighting the urge to run. i have nothing to run from. i have more than most people ever have. i have a good life. but i want to run. i want to run and i want to fade away into the nothingness that i feel i am made of. i want to disappear so no one will ever feel bothered by me again. i want this pain to stop. i want more pain. i want there to be so much pain that i collapse under the weight of it. i want there to be no pain because i am so tired of the pain. i want answers. i want to know why i feel this way when i shouldn't. i want to know where you go when you feel like there is nowhere for you any more. there are no safe places. there is nothing.
I am so tired of people telling other people how to do any and all of the things. What words you can say if you're over 30, what music to like, what movies are ok to admit you enjoy, how you should be using your phone, facebook, instagram, twitter, toothbrush, kitchen sink, how you should live your life, spend more time being in the moment, not be on antisocial social media, what you should and shouldn't feel good or bad about, how people should or shouldn't be parents, women, men, feminists, activist, human beings. It just goes on and on. Here's an idea. If you don't like the way I do things or the words I say you have two choices. If you genuinely like me then you can choose to put up with the things about me that don't mesh 100% with the way you live your life (as I do with many of the people I love when it's not a deal breaker like racism or violence) or you can remove me from your facebook, twitter, instagram, life. That's it. Those are your two o...
Thinking of you Tif.
ReplyDeleteI have felt like that too many times. I wish I had answers. All I have is love... Love you. xx
ReplyDeleteDon't run. Talk to anyone. Talk to everyone. Talk to me.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you beautiful. Wishing I was there to help. Let me know if there is anything at all that I can do xoxoxox
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