Skip to main content

run

i am fighting the urge to run. i have nothing to run from. i have more than most people ever have. i have a good life. but i want to run. i want to run and i want to fade away into the nothingness that i feel i am made of. i want to disappear so no one will ever feel bothered by me again. i want this pain to stop. i want more pain. i want there to be so much pain that i collapse under the weight of it. i want there to be no pain because i am so tired of the pain. i want answers. i want to know why i feel this way when i shouldn't. i want to know where you go when you feel like there is nowhere for you any more. there are no safe places. there is nothing.

Comments

  1. I have felt like that too many times. I wish I had answers. All I have is love... Love you. xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't run. Talk to anyone. Talk to everyone. Talk to me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thinking of you beautiful. Wishing I was there to help. Let me know if there is anything at all that I can do xoxoxox

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for taking the time to comment!

Popular posts from this blog

Week One... Or Should I Say Week Two Thousand One Hundred and Seventy Nine...

 That's how many weeks I have been alive (give or take a couple of days). Two thousand one hundred and seventy-nine. Yet here I am still fighting the same fights I have always fought. Self-image, self-acceptance, unrelenting standards, imposter syndrome.  Once again I find myself in a body that feels uncomfortable and unhealthy. It crept up on me slowly and suddenly all at the same time. I still barely eat any refined sugar. I turn down the lollies and cakes and doughnuts at work. It's not even a struggle, I no longer enjoy the way sugar makes my body feel. But my old nemesis, potato chips, remains undefeated. I eat potato chips to fill the emptiness in my soul. To feel as miserable physically as I do mentally or emotionally. To get comfort from an association with my childhood. It is the struggle I can't overcome. The war I can't win. So after months of trying on my own to no avail, months of the scales not budging, I have signed up for a healthy eating plan. I'm n

Unsent Letter: Dear Broken Little Girl

Dear Broken Little Girl You've got the world fooled. With your masks and your costumes. With the illusion you have created. I'm not fooled anymore, I see who you truly are. I see the little girl terrified of revealing any weakness or cracks. The little girl who uses people for what they can do for her and then casts them aside until she needs them once more. I used to look at you and think you were so much more than me, that I was so much less. Now I realise that you will never be as much as me. Not until you are willing to be wrong, to be imperfect, to be fragile and vulnerable and human. Anybody can do what you do, yet you doubt my ability. You think you are so grown up and in control, but you're not. Everything you stand against, you have been. Everything you fight for, you've never endured. You are an empty shadow trying to fill yourself up at the expense of others. You once told me that I should learn to put myself first and say no. Well I've learnt. I

World Domination and the Darkness

"Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?" "The same thing we do every night Pinky -  try to take over the world!" Two things are clear to me , I love that cartoon and Brain never suffered from depression. You see it's much easier to try to take over the world if you don't have to use every ounce of motivation and determination in your body to get out of bed each morning. If Brain had suffered from depression it is likely he may have given up his plan after the first failure. For even the smallest hurdle can, to a depressive, seem like an insurmountable barrier. Now don't get me wrong, there are lots of depressed people who have achieved all sorts of amazing things. World domination while depressed is not completely impossible its just a hell of a lot harder. Before people start accusing me of being a whiner and making excuses I would first ask those people a) do you currently have or have you ever depression? and b) can you shut your stupid