a warped view

Working with my psych has made me realise that one of the biggest mistakes I make is invalidating my own feelings by explaining away other people's bad behaviour. I've spent the majority of my life rationalising, its something that I think I learned from my mother. It's something that used to make me angry at my mother. She is a big believer in seeing both sides of the story, and consequently so am I. Seeing both sides of the story is not the issue though, I still think that's a great ability to have. The problem comes when you are so good at seeing the other persons side of the story that the feelings they caused with their actions become secondary, or get lost completely.  I realised today that I now do it to my daughter and I want to stop. When she comes to me to tell me about something that has happened with her friends she doesn't want me to be objective, she wants me to soothe her hurt feelings. She doesn't need help seeing why the other person did what th...

there's not much in this world that is more devastating than a dream that is killed just before it is about to be realised. this has just happened to me. it is something that i suppose most people would consider trivial in the general scheme of things. it was afterall, just a job. but to me it was more than that. it was a chance to finally be the me that i've always wanted to be, to prove that i am capable of things, that i can achieve something more than getting out of bed in the morning. it was a chance to make something of myself. to be more than mundane. i have spent the last couple of hours crying tears of mourning for the me that i will never be. none of this is helped by my depression of course. dreaming seems like a fool's game, something i'm not likely to want to partake in again for quite some time. it is no one's fault but it hurts like hell.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling a bit blue, when the sads take hold and I can't shake them, when the darkness gets too dark, sometimes I just want to cry. Yet sometimes the tears won't come. That's when I turn to my sad songs. They're usually just enough to break the wall and let the salty tears run free.  Goodbye to You (Unplugged Version) - Michelle Branch This song features at the end of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Episode "Tabula Rasa" (S06E08). Michelle Branch perform it live at The Bronze and as it plays we watch Giles fly away to England leaving Buffy to deal with the harsh realities of life and see Tara packing her things and moving out after breaking up with Willow . The realtionship between Tara and Willow was always one of my very favourites and not only does this song remind me of their breakup but also of the things to come later at the end of the season. It reduces me to a blubbering mess.   The Special Two - Missy Higgins The Soun...