a warped view

So apparently I am one of a very small percentage of ADHD adults who experiences a worsening of depression symptoms when taking Dexamphetamines.  To start with I didn't notice, but as I continued to take my daily doses my depression symptoms have gotten worse and worse. The situation reached critical mass on Sunday night. My thoughts and behaviour got beyond my control and I had a complete meltdown. The rest of the week has been nothing short of difficult. There has been tears at the drop of the hat, an inability to regulate my emotions (more than usual), and a highly emotional state in general. The smallest things have sent me spiralling out of control. The hsp says its the worst he has ever seen me. It has left me feeling afraid and ashamed. My logical brain knows that there is no reason to feel this way but my logical brain is not exactly the loudest at the moment.  Luckily I had an appointment with my ADHD doctor today and I informed him what was going on. ...

So I have spoken about my suspicions that I have ADHD both here and on twitter. I went and had my first appointment with the special ADHD doctor two weeks ago and because I was unable to find my school reports I had to go back for a second appointment with a letter from one of my parents talking about how they noticed ADHD symptoms in me when I was younger. Apparently the Health Department are quite strict about who they let doctors prescribe ADHD medication to (surprise surprise) and it is their requirement for there to be some evidence of childhood symptoms. My first port of call was my mum, surely she would be able to write a letter containing a list of things I had done as a child? This proved to be slightly more difficult as she expressed to me her belief that I didn't have problems concentrating at school. When I pointed out to her that every single one of my school reports contained something along the lines of "Tiffany talks too much", her reply was simply th...

So last month I wrote the post " There's nothing wrong with you " about being told by well meaning people that I couldn't possibly have depression. That is one side of the depression coin, the people who don't believe you have it because you manage to smile sometimes. The other, much darker side of the coin, is the people who try to use your depression against you as a weapon. I have one of those people in my life. They may be in the peripherals of my life, but sadly they have enough impact for their archaic, biggoted and uneducated views to affect me. In fact this person even tried to use this very blog against me. Using my own words, my own outpouring of truth and emotions, my own confessions of difficulty as a way to hurt me. They tried to turn my truth, my confessions, my words into a sword and to cut me down with it. Taking advantage of my own moments of weakness, my own doubts, my own irrational fear of not being good enough, they attempted to kick me wh...

So do you know what is super duper awesome? When you spend about 20 minutes writing a blog post and then you publish it but forget to use tags so you go back in to add them but then your blog eats your blog post! That's what just happened. This was a post and then suddenly it wasn't. Well now it is again. Well it will be soon when I've rewritten it. *grr*