a warped view

When you look at me do you see a girl who is rude, unapproachable, snobbish? Who thinks she's too good for everyone else? Do you see a mum who just drops her kids at school and runs away because she doesn't want to be involved? Or do you see that I am afraid and anxious. That I try and avoid social interaction because I don't know what to say, because I'm convinced no one will like me. Do you see the scared little girl who was bullied so badly she didn't want to go to school, the scared little girl who was called names and teased and picked on, who had her things stolen and destroyed, who spent more time hiding in the nurses office than she did in class? Do you see the lonely girl who had no friends to call her own? Do you see the desperate girl who sat in her mother's car and begged not to be sent to school, with tears streaming down her face and sobs choking her words? Do you see the woman who still becomes that scared child when she enters a school. Do you ...

Things I am grateful for Tomorrow we celebrate my mum's 60th birthday and I am so grateful that she is still alive, in my life, my best friend, a wonderful nanna to my kids, there for me when I need her and someone that I respect and enjoy spending time with. While our genetic family might sometimes let us down, we have an amazing group of chosen family that are amazing people and I love them more than anything. Even though I might not see some of them very often, my life is full of wonderful people that make me happy. I own many beautiful, awesome brooches Now that the HSP and I have passports, he has become very interested in cheap overseas airfares We have almost completely finished the back to school shopping and no one died Even though we have no airconditioner at the moment, when it is hot we have access to a car with aircon and can go to places that have aircon. Lots of families don't have this. Music. It fills me with bliss. Someone cared and was thoughtful e...

a habit that you wish you didn’t have the 2010 Day Four post can be found here where to start?! I have quite a few bad habits that I wish I didn't have and I can think of a few that other people wish I didn't have as well! My worst two habits are biting my nails and eating when I'm bored. I had stopped biting my nails for a while but I always go back to it when I'm feeling particularly anxious. Apparently the new drugs for my ADHD will help me get the eating thing under control though so that'll be one less bad habit. My mum would probably consider my swearing a bad habit (despite the fact that I love it) and she probably would also like me to be slightly less argumentative. The HSP would have a pretty long list of bad habits/annoying things I do including forgetting the washing is in the washing machine (sometimes several times), singing loudly and out of tune, not paying attention to what we're watching and then asking lots of questions ab...

So I have spoken about my suspicions that I have ADHD both here and on twitter. I went and had my first appointment with the special ADHD doctor two weeks ago and because I was unable to find my school reports I had to go back for a second appointment with a letter from one of my parents talking about how they noticed ADHD symptoms in me when I was younger. Apparently the Health Department are quite strict about who they let doctors prescribe ADHD medication to (surprise surprise) and it is their requirement for there to be some evidence of childhood symptoms. My first port of call was my mum, surely she would be able to write a letter containing a list of things I had done as a child? This proved to be slightly more difficult as she expressed to me her belief that I didn't have problems concentrating at school. When I pointed out to her that every single one of my school reports contained something along the lines of "Tiffany talks too much", her reply was simply th...

I have always been fiercely protective of the people I love, sometimes to my own detriment, sometimes more than those people want me to be. I have never let my sex, my age, my role or my place in the world stop my for standing up for someone. This is particularly true of my mum. She is a strong, independent, smart, wonderful woman, my role model in most things. Growing up there was mostly just her and me. I say that but we had a very close relationship with my grandparents, my cousin lived with us for almost 10 years and my (half) sister from my dad's second marriage spent an inordinate amount of time with us, but in my mind and my heart, when I think of my childhood I think of the two of us together against the world. She raised me to be strong, to stand up for what is right and just, to treat all people equally, to be kind, compassionate and giving and that above all else, family comes first. She also taught me that friends can be our family as much as those we are bound to by ...

Let me start this post by saying that I love my mother shaped person to absolute bits and pieces. She has always been the things I aspire to be as a mother and woman, strong, independent, loyal, loving, courageous, caring, compassionate and an optimist. However there are some things that we just don't see eye to eye on. One of the biggest differences between us is our view on sharing personal stories, emotions, hurdles, etc. I think it is 99% a generational thing. She was raised with the belief that you didn't talk about personal problems, you just got on with things. Mental illness was considered a weakness and weakness in any form was not something that other people should know about. Serious issues were always discussed behind closed doors and were never, ever talked about in polite company. It is ingrained in her and on top of that she is a very private, reserved person any way. I, on the other hand, am seriously lacking a filter (as if you hadn't noticed already). ...

I consider myself an only child. I will tell people I am an only child. This of course leads to confusion when I then, at some later date, mention something about my sister. You see, when I was about 2 years old my parents separated and later divorced. I have no memories of my parents as a couple, no memories of the three of us as a family unit, none of my own anyway. My dad remarried and when I was 5 my sister was born. Technically she is my half-sister (as we share half the same parentage) but it is not a distinction I make in my mind (or my heart). So why then do I insist on telling people I am an only child? It's not because my sister doesn't count, as I love her more than words could ever say and would do anything for her. It's because it is my state of mind. I was raised by a single mother as her only child, I saw my dad on a regular irregular basis but I'm sure he would readily agree that it was my mother who raised me. For those of you who are an only child...

songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad Before I get into the blog post I just want to take a moment to celebrate making it a third of the way there! I am 33.333333% through the 30 Day Challenge! Anyway, down to business. When it comes to music I have very eclectic tastes. I grew up listening to a variety of music, from World War II era music, Elvis, and golden oldies to 60's and 70's pop and rock like Suzi Quatro, Meatloaf, the Beatles, the Doors, as well as songs like Wild Thing, Leader of the Pack, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and plenty of other childhood favorites. My mum had a cassette tape collection of awesome songs that I remember dancing and singing along to as a child. My Nanna adored Elvis and her adoration lives on in me! My favorite Elvis song was always In The Ghetto as well as the standard faves like Blue Suede Shoes, Jailhouse Rock etc etc. My dad always had me singing along in his car and our favorite was Daddy Cool, especially the ...