a warped view

 That's how many weeks I have been alive (give or take a couple of days). Two thousand one hundred and seventy-nine. Yet here I am still fighting the same fights I have always fought. Self-image, self-acceptance, unrelenting standards, imposter syndrome.  Once again I find myself in a body that feels uncomfortable and unhealthy. It crept up on me slowly and suddenly all at the same time. I still barely eat any refined sugar. I turn down the lollies and cakes and doughnuts at work. It's not even a struggle, I no longer enjoy the way sugar makes my body feel. But my old nemesis, potato chips, remains undefeated. I eat potato chips to fill the emptiness in my soul. To feel as miserable physically as I do mentally or emotionally. To get comfort from an association with my childhood. It is the struggle I can't overcome. The war I can't win. So after months of trying on my own to no avail, months of the scales not budging, I have signed up for a healthy eating plan. I'm n

I don't really go in big for resolutions. I've never been an avid resolution setter. As someone said on twitter the other day, if it's important enough to you then you just do it, you don't wait for a special day to start being better. However this year I've decided to make some resolutions. This year I turn 35 and when I reflect on my life in my 30s I see that its been a massive period of growth and change for me. I've become more willing to be myself, found my own style, lost friends and made new ones and lost some again. This year I embark on a new adventure. On the 29th of January I begin my journey to becoming a Nutritional Medicine practitioner, Naturopath and Herbalist. I'm not sure about the herbs and stuff yet, my main focus is on learning the science behind nutrition, how our bodies work and how we can heal ourselves by making choices about what we put in our mouths. It seemed a natural step after my journey from 100.5kgs to the 74.5kgs I am now

Last night we went to an outing that required us to dress up 1950s style. As always I left everything to last minute but I managed to throw together a pretty decent ensemble. During the night I posted the following on social media  "dress up parties are much funner when you aren't as fat #justsaying #confessionsofaformerfatgirl" I posted this because I realised how much easier it had been for me now that I am a size 12/14 instead of a size 20 to find something to wear and how much more comfortable I felt being "in costume". Somebody took exception claiming that I should re-word my statement as some of our mutual friends may find it offensive and upsetting. Hogwash I say. Anyone who has been as big as I have, or bigger, knows exactly what I am talking about.  When you are any size bigger than a 16 wearing any clothes can be hard, let alone dress ups. While it is getting easier, with more plus size fashion labels available, being overweight and shopping for clothe

A little over three weeks ago I blogged about my struggles with my weight and almost four weeks ago I gave up coca-cola in an attempt to beat my addiction and live a healthier life. I admit that I thought when I stopped drinking coke that the weight would just fall off. That was probably a little bit optimistic and not at all realistic of me. The weight hasn't fallen off and I have lost between 1 and 2 kilos depending when I weigh myself. I have been trying to eat healthier as well but obviously I haven't been trying hard enough. I also haven't been exercising. This week sees the kids return to school, something we are all looking forward to, and hopefully this will allow me to start getting into a better routine with the house, cleaning, working, blogging and most importantly eating properly and exercising. In order to get me on the right track and take some of the thinking out of the process I have signed up for the 1 Million Kilo Challenge . Don't worry, I don&#

I have been concerned about my weight and appearance ever since I was 12. I was teased in primary school for being fat and called names like porky. Here is a picture from my Year 7 Graduation to illustrate how fat and disgusting I was I say fat and disgusting because I truly believed when I was 12 that I was some hideously fat monster that no boy would ever want to kiss, no boy would ever want to go out with, no boy would ever love. It makes me so sad looking at this photo to know that I was so slim, so pretty, my life should have been full of wonder and possibility. Instead I began my journey down the long dark road that has led me to the depths of depression and an obsession with my weight (but thankfully never an eating disorder) and today it has led me to make this confession... I am currently the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. I have eaten myself to the weight I never wanted to be. I am the exact thing I was teased for being. Along with the fact that I don