a warped view

 That's how many weeks I have been alive (give or take a couple of days). Two thousand one hundred and seventy-nine. Yet here I am still fighting the same fights I have always fought. Self-image, self-acceptance, unrelenting standards, imposter syndrome.  Once again I find myself in a body that feels uncomfortable and unhealthy. It crept up on me slowly and suddenly all at the same time. I still barely eat any refined sugar. I turn down the lollies and cakes and doughnuts at work. It's not even a struggle, I no longer enjoy the way sugar makes my body feel. But my old nemesis, potato chips, remains undefeated. I eat potato chips to fill the emptiness in my soul. To feel as miserable physically as I do mentally or emotionally. To get comfort from an association with my childhood. It is the struggle I can't overcome. The war I can't win. So after months of trying on my own to no avail, months of the scales not budging, I have signed up for a healthy eating plan. I'm n...

a picture of somewhere you've been to This is such an ambiguous topic for today. I've been to so many place, I go to places all the time! I could share places I've been on holiday, places I go to eat, places we take the kids, the ballet, the theatre, my mums house! These are all somewheres that I've been. So I've decided to be tricky and treat this question metaphorically. I've decided that the picture of the somewhere I've been will be a picture of me at (or close to) my heaviest. At the start of the year I blogged about reaching my heaviest ever and how devastated I was by it. I've made a lot of changes this year, worked hard, lost weight, slacked off, put some back on, tried, given up, tried again, and as of today I'm almost back down to the lightest I've been since having kids (just 4 more kgs to go). So, here's somewhere I've been: You can't see a lot of me I know, but you can see all the extra weight in my face. I h...

A little over three weeks ago I blogged about my struggles with my weight and almost four weeks ago I gave up coca-cola in an attempt to beat my addiction and live a healthier life. I admit that I thought when I stopped drinking coke that the weight would just fall off. That was probably a little bit optimistic and not at all realistic of me. The weight hasn't fallen off and I have lost between 1 and 2 kilos depending when I weigh myself. I have been trying to eat healthier as well but obviously I haven't been trying hard enough. I also haven't been exercising. This week sees the kids return to school, something we are all looking forward to, and hopefully this will allow me to start getting into a better routine with the house, cleaning, working, blogging and most importantly eating properly and exercising. In order to get me on the right track and take some of the thinking out of the process I have signed up for the 1 Million Kilo Challenge . Don't worry, I don...

I have been concerned about my weight and appearance ever since I was 12. I was teased in primary school for being fat and called names like porky. Here is a picture from my Year 7 Graduation to illustrate how fat and disgusting I was I say fat and disgusting because I truly believed when I was 12 that I was some hideously fat monster that no boy would ever want to kiss, no boy would ever want to go out with, no boy would ever love. It makes me so sad looking at this photo to know that I was so slim, so pretty, my life should have been full of wonder and possibility. Instead I began my journey down the long dark road that has led me to the depths of depression and an obsession with my weight (but thankfully never an eating disorder) and today it has led me to make this confession... I am currently the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. I have eaten myself to the weight I never wanted to be. I am the exact thing I was teased for being. Along with the fact that I don...