a warped view

I am feeling down. Have been for a while. That's why I haven't been posting. It's not an all encompassing downness, I have moments and days where I feel fine, but the thought of blogging (along with numerous other to-dos) have left me feeling tight chested and anxious. I've also been avoiding people, avoiding social situations and I've been crap at communicating with the people I love. I've stopped tweeting, stopped texting, stopped calling. I'm hiding. It's impossible however, to hide from yourself. Today, right now, I am feeling particularly down. I was fine this morning, I had a lovely day with the HSP and saw a movie I've been desperate to see (Oz). Yet this afternoon the cloud descended around my shoulders and I suddenly felt the darkness wrap it's fingers around my heart and squeeze. I suddenly and instantly wanted to bury my face in my pillow and cry. Not just cry, sob, that physical crying that involves your shoulders, your chest, your ...

Sometimes, when I'm feeling a bit blue, when the sads take hold and I can't shake them, when the darkness gets too dark, sometimes I just want to cry. Yet sometimes the tears won't come. That's when I turn to my sad songs. They're usually just enough to break the wall and let the salty tears run free.  Goodbye to You (Unplugged Version) - Michelle Branch This song features at the end of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Episode "Tabula Rasa" (S06E08). Michelle Branch perform it live at The Bronze and as it plays we watch Giles fly away to England leaving Buffy to deal with the harsh realities of life and see Tara packing her things and moving out after breaking up with Willow . The realtionship between Tara and Willow was always one of my very favourites and not only does this song remind me of their breakup but also of the things to come later at the end of the season. It reduces me to a blubbering mess.   The Special Two - Missy Higgins The Soun...