a warped view

When you look at me do you see a girl who is rude, unapproachable, snobbish? Who thinks she's too good for everyone else? Do you see a mum who just drops her kids at school and runs away because she doesn't want to be involved? Or do you see that I am afraid and anxious. That I try and avoid social interaction because I don't know what to say, because I'm convinced no one will like me. Do you see the scared little girl who was bullied so badly she didn't want to go to school, the scared little girl who was called names and teased and picked on, who had her things stolen and destroyed, who spent more time hiding in the nurses office than she did in class? Do you see the lonely girl who had no friends to call her own? Do you see the desperate girl who sat in her mother's car and begged not to be sent to school, with tears streaming down her face and sobs choking her words? Do you see the woman who still becomes that scared child when she enters a school. Do you ...

Today I am sharing my three favourite books from my childhood 1. Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge   Written by Mem Fox, Illustrated by Julie Vivas This book is the heartwarming story of a little boy with four names who lives next door to an old people's home. His favourite person of all is Miss Nancy Alison Delacourt Cooper because she has four names just like him.  Wilfrid overhears his parents talking about Miss Nancy losing her memory and being the curious and caring child that he is, Wilfrid wants to understand what memory is so he can help Miss Nancy find her lost one. The rest of the book involves Wilfrid asking grown ups (mostly the residents of the old people's home) what memory is and then finding things of his own that match the descriptions. He then presents the "memories" to Miss Nancy and she shares with him the stories of her life. The final page of the book says She bounced the football to Wilfred Gordon and remembered the day she had me...

So I have spoken about my suspicions that I have ADHD both here and on twitter. I went and had my first appointment with the special ADHD doctor two weeks ago and because I was unable to find my school reports I had to go back for a second appointment with a letter from one of my parents talking about how they noticed ADHD symptoms in me when I was younger. Apparently the Health Department are quite strict about who they let doctors prescribe ADHD medication to (surprise surprise) and it is their requirement for there to be some evidence of childhood symptoms. My first port of call was my mum, surely she would be able to write a letter containing a list of things I had done as a child? This proved to be slightly more difficult as she expressed to me her belief that I didn't have problems concentrating at school. When I pointed out to her that every single one of my school reports contained something along the lines of "Tiffany talks too much", her reply was simply th...

I have always been fiercely protective of the people I love, sometimes to my own detriment, sometimes more than those people want me to be. I have never let my sex, my age, my role or my place in the world stop my for standing up for someone. This is particularly true of my mum. She is a strong, independent, smart, wonderful woman, my role model in most things. Growing up there was mostly just her and me. I say that but we had a very close relationship with my grandparents, my cousin lived with us for almost 10 years and my (half) sister from my dad's second marriage spent an inordinate amount of time with us, but in my mind and my heart, when I think of my childhood I think of the two of us together against the world. She raised me to be strong, to stand up for what is right and just, to treat all people equally, to be kind, compassionate and giving and that above all else, family comes first. She also taught me that friends can be our family as much as those we are bound to by ...

Dear ALL the Boys of my Youth, Let me start by saying I'm sorry. Each of you has a particular thing that I am sorry for but let's just assume that I am sorry for everything. In case you were unaware, when I was 16 an event happened that would shape who I would become in the months and years that came after it. I was terribly hard on myself growing up, I believed I was an ugly hideous beast that would be alone forever because no boys would ever want to be with me. I didn't even have my first kiss until I was 16 (with you Luke, where are you now?). I had no self confidence whatsoever. Then on a night out with a friends, one of my friends older brother and some of his friends a thing happened that changed who I was. One of the older brothers friends got me alone (everyone else was busy breaking into the Local Outdoor Pool) and started  to tell me lovely things. It rapidly became something more than talking and before I knew it, this boy I hardly knew was having sex with ...

I have been concerned about my weight and appearance ever since I was 12. I was teased in primary school for being fat and called names like porky. Here is a picture from my Year 7 Graduation to illustrate how fat and disgusting I was I say fat and disgusting because I truly believed when I was 12 that I was some hideously fat monster that no boy would ever want to kiss, no boy would ever want to go out with, no boy would ever love. It makes me so sad looking at this photo to know that I was so slim, so pretty, my life should have been full of wonder and possibility. Instead I began my journey down the long dark road that has led me to the depths of depression and an obsession with my weight (but thankfully never an eating disorder) and today it has led me to make this confession... I am currently the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. I have eaten myself to the weight I never wanted to be. I am the exact thing I was teased for being. Along with the fact that I don...

songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad Before I get into the blog post I just want to take a moment to celebrate making it a third of the way there! I am 33.333333% through the 30 Day Challenge! Anyway, down to business. When it comes to music I have very eclectic tastes. I grew up listening to a variety of music, from World War II era music, Elvis, and golden oldies to 60's and 70's pop and rock like Suzi Quatro, Meatloaf, the Beatles, the Doors, as well as songs like Wild Thing, Leader of the Pack, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and plenty of other childhood favorites. My mum had a cassette tape collection of awesome songs that I remember dancing and singing along to as a child. My Nanna adored Elvis and her adoration lives on in me! My favorite Elvis song was always In The Ghetto as well as the standard faves like Blue Suede Shoes, Jailhouse Rock etc etc. My dad always had me singing along in his car and our favorite was Daddy Cool, especially the ...