Dear Captain Picard,
This is another one of those unsent letters that isn't really an unsent letter because I know that you're going to read it. I'm hoping that you won't be too annoyed at me for writing this but I felt like I needed to.
You've been the most amazing friend to me. You've allowed me to feel safe enough to be myself, you've given me a shoulder to cry on and you've listened to me when I've needed to talk. You've made me open up, made me trust, made me remember what it's like to not have to keep myself shielded all the time.
In the past, life has taught me (and my depression has told me) that people can't be trusted, that eventually everyone will let me down, that eventually the real me will drive everyone away. It has left me with an almost impenetrable wall to keep me safe, it's left me afraid to let people in. You've seen beyond that and you've had the patience to find your way inside. You've been brave enough to be my friend, no matter how difficult I am.
And I can be so very difficult. I'm not the easiest person to be close to. Sometimes the dark swallows me up and I lose sight of everything, I forget who I am, every thought, feeling, emotion becomes magnified. Everything becomes so easily twisted, every negative thought becomes too loud for me to ignore, the depression voice drowns out everything else so that it's all I can hear. Old fears, old hurts cloud every decision and conversation. It doesn't just change the way I hear my own thoughts, it changes the way I hear everything, how I interpret everything.
I've screwed up. In the last few days I've done and said things I shouldn't have. The small, scared child in me has lashed out, afraid, confused, angry. There are things I'm not very good at and I've hurt you and that has broken my heart. It was never what I wanted to do. But you've forgiven me. Like the amazingly wonderful, generous and kind friend that you are, you've continued to be there for me, continued to believe in me.
Of course everything isn't quite fixed yet, I've done too much damage to just undo it in a couple of days. Please know that I want to fix it and I will do whatever it takes to achieve that. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve such an amazing friend as you, but I am so grateful to have you. You make me want to be a better person. I love you and I hope I can be the kind of friend you deserve.
love
W.R.
xx
This is another one of those unsent letters that isn't really an unsent letter because I know that you're going to read it. I'm hoping that you won't be too annoyed at me for writing this but I felt like I needed to.
You've been the most amazing friend to me. You've allowed me to feel safe enough to be myself, you've given me a shoulder to cry on and you've listened to me when I've needed to talk. You've made me open up, made me trust, made me remember what it's like to not have to keep myself shielded all the time.
In the past, life has taught me (and my depression has told me) that people can't be trusted, that eventually everyone will let me down, that eventually the real me will drive everyone away. It has left me with an almost impenetrable wall to keep me safe, it's left me afraid to let people in. You've seen beyond that and you've had the patience to find your way inside. You've been brave enough to be my friend, no matter how difficult I am.
And I can be so very difficult. I'm not the easiest person to be close to. Sometimes the dark swallows me up and I lose sight of everything, I forget who I am, every thought, feeling, emotion becomes magnified. Everything becomes so easily twisted, every negative thought becomes too loud for me to ignore, the depression voice drowns out everything else so that it's all I can hear. Old fears, old hurts cloud every decision and conversation. It doesn't just change the way I hear my own thoughts, it changes the way I hear everything, how I interpret everything.
I've screwed up. In the last few days I've done and said things I shouldn't have. The small, scared child in me has lashed out, afraid, confused, angry. There are things I'm not very good at and I've hurt you and that has broken my heart. It was never what I wanted to do. But you've forgiven me. Like the amazingly wonderful, generous and kind friend that you are, you've continued to be there for me, continued to believe in me.
Of course everything isn't quite fixed yet, I've done too much damage to just undo it in a couple of days. Please know that I want to fix it and I will do whatever it takes to achieve that. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve such an amazing friend as you, but I am so grateful to have you. You make me want to be a better person. I love you and I hope I can be the kind of friend you deserve.
love
W.R.
xx
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